LAUREN SAPALA is a writer and writing coach in San Francisco. She has a very active blog that nourishes, heals, sparks and empowers the creative flame of anyone interested in improving their writing. Her interest in Wife, Just Let Go, led to a recent interview now live in her blog. The interview provoked answers that had me go deeper into my own understanding of how and why the book got written.
AUTHOR INTERVIEW: DIANA
SALTOON-BRIGGS TALKS ABOUT WIFE, JUST LET GO: ZEN, ALZHEIMER’S, AND LOVE
LAUREN SAPALA:
"Today’s interview is with Diana
Saltoon-Briggs, author of Wife, Just Let Go: Zen, Alzheimer’s, and Love,
one of the books that made my ‘Top 5 Memoirs of 2017’ list. Diana’s book is a
must-read for anyone interested in Alzheimer’s, aging, and the way our culture
views death and dying. I was awed and more than a little inspired by her
answers to my questions below.
One of the main topics of Wife, Just Let Go is
your beloved partner’s struggle with Alzheimer’s near the end of his life. This
is a disease that has gained much more widespread publicity in recent years.
Have you found that people have reached out to you specifically because of the
way you so honestly treated your experience as the partner of someone with
Alzheimer’s in the book? Have you heard from others who have gone through
similar experiences?
Even before the book was published,
people would ask me how I managed as his care person at home for all those
years. Since the publication of the book this outreach has intensified. I’ve
had some book events and even a workshop where I’m able to encourage questions
and discussions from others going through similar experiences. I keep getting
more queries about my experiences and positive feedback on the book from other
care persons and hospice workers, especially those who’ve lost loved ones
through Alzheimer’s and feel alone in their grief. I share with them what I
feel was so important for me in my journey with Robert: holding the memories he
was losing as he struggled to write and continued to write in his last years.
Filling in that loss and above all, placing a great faith in love – something I
learned deeply from him during those years. Then of course there is the grief.
I recently published an article on my blog about grief that has no time
constraints. The redemption is in knowing that, as a cloud that temporarily
obscures the clarity of the sky, the emotional upheaval too is temporary and
ultimately the heart is cleansed by tears expressing a profound love.
I was very impressed by how
streamlined Wife, Just Let Go is as a memoir. So many
essential, beautiful memories were captured in just a few pages. Was it
difficult to choose which memories to include? Did you enlist the help of
family and friends or solely follow your intuition about what to include in the
book?
The idea of a duo memoir was suggested
by a friend who thought Robert’s essays needed to be expanded if it were to
become a book. Another friend, Noah, a long time tea student of mine and
somewhat adopted as a grandson especially when we returned to Portland from New
York, was drawn to Robert because of his own interest in writing. He suggested
I include some kind of introduction, poems I’d written, and parts of the
journal I kept during the years of caregiving Robert. Some of the memories of
how I met Robert, the work we did together, the travels we took, came to mind.
Each memory seemed to unfold naturally as if in a film of our lives together.
Noah came one night and we laid out all of Robert’s essays, spreading them on
the floor in some kind of order. As I looked at them it felt natural to
compliment his essays with poems and compositions I’d written that harmonized
with his writing. The memories came, woven in with the text, as if Robert
himself was present and aiding this effort.
You also mentioned the ARTZ Foundation in the book (Artists for Alzheimer’s
I’m Still Here Foundation). Can you tell us a little more about that?
ARTZ – Artists for Alzheimer’s, is a
foundation in Woburn, MA that encourages creativity in patients suffering from
memory loss. I needed help when Robert was still alive, trying to find a way to
publish Robert’s essays. At that time Robert kept them in a white binder – he
called his “white book,” tentatively titled: Unexpected Joys and Trials of One
American Life: Turning 83 and Beyond. I found out about ARTZ and contacted
them. The person in charge was most interested to learn about Robert and what
he was doing. He had a few suggestions about publishing but wisely mentioned
something the Foundation had begun – encouraging art and museum experiences for
Alzheimer’s patients. He recommended I contact MOMA – the Museum of Modern Art
in Manhattan, NY, who was offering Meet Me At
MOMA series for Alzheimer’s patients and their care persons.
The events take place once a month and are facilitated by highly trained Museum
instructors. Essentially it’s a way to engage dementia patients accompanied by
their care persons – mostly family members, encouraging them to express their
spontaneous reactions to the paintings they were viewing. The comments elicited
when we were present were amazing and even enlightening and prove that the
creative part of the Alzheimer’s brain is still active long after memory loss
and debilitation. What was most rewarding about connecting with ARTZ was
learning about the I’m Still Here Foundation in MA and their President John
Zeisel’s book I’m Still Here that presents a whole new
philosophy of Alzheimer’s care and points out the various “gifts of
Alzheimer’s.”
I was fascinated by one of the
passages in the book from your partner, Robert, in which he talks about aging.
Specifically, he says, “Even so-called ‘uniform’ aging differs in men and women
or even people of the same gender. People’s individual responses to their aging
differ as well…we have to pay attention to our own self and what it’s telling
us.” What are your thoughts on that?
So much of what he says resonates with
me. I feel aging is an individual thing and much of it depends on our
attitudes, practices, and eating habits. For me, this is what it means to “pay
attention to the self.” To realize what we can and should not do or consume by
listening to feedback from within. The word “chi” is Chinese and it means the
fundamental energy that comes from the Universe and the ways we interact with
this energy flowing in and out of the body and mind. Awareness, active
participation with this energy, is essential to the vibrancy of our age and for
healing and health. Exercises are helpful – especially in the arts of Tai Chi,
Qigong, Yoga, etc., that teach us how to flow with the energy. This centers on
the breath and how we breathe is most important towards increasing and
expanding that energy. Breathing deeply from below the abdomen for example,
enhances the “chi” of each person. Robert mentions measuring life with seasons
– being at one with nature. This is what measures our aging – not the years we
have. Spring, summer, autumn, winter, each season brings a new view to
experiencing life. We become age-less when we experience life as it is – with
what’s unfolding, present in each aware moment.
You mentioned your practice of the
Japanese Way of Tea a few times in the book. Have you found the lessons from
this practice to be helpful during times of difficulty and intense change in
life?
It has been and still is one of the
pillars that hold me up in my life. Chado – The Japanese Way of Tea brings
peace and integration to anyone immersed in its practice. The principles of
Chado – harmony, respect, purity and tranquility – are fundamental ways to be
if we’re to experience peace with each other and nature. Making a simple bowl
of tea mindfully, focusing on each step of the procedure, brings a clear and
present mind, a mind of no hindrances. The heart is quiet and spacious. The
training of Chado is one of awareness, discipline and concentration similar to
Zen practice. It never fails to ground me and bring clarity and peace. Above
all, it does the same for others engaged in a tea gathering, however simple or
elaborate. Sharing tea with Robert was one of the finest things I could do with
him when things became difficult and transitions of all kinds entered our
lives.
Where can people find out more about
you as an author?
I have a website: www.teaandzen.com that
describes my book, Tea and Ceremony: Experiencing Tranquility,
as well as an active blog: dianasaltoon.blogspot.com. I’m connected to
LinkedIn as well as Facebook. Amazon carries my books with descriptions of my
work as well, or they can simply google my name for information.
How can people support Wife, Just Let Go and
efforts to increase Alzheimer’s awareness?
By spreading the word about the book
and recommending it to others and to bookstores. Perhaps visit their favorite
bookstores and have them order the book to make it more available to the
public. They can also contact the Alzheimer’s Association wherever they are
and mention my book as a new way of viewing caregiving. Meanwhile, if
they have a copy of the book and find it helpful, they can let others know and
perhaps gift a book to someone intensely involved in caregiving or suffering
the grief and loss of a loved one. They can always order a copy through my
blog, through PayPal as well as Amazon. Posting reviews will also bring more
awareness of what it can do for others. When I wrote the book, I just wanted to
get Robert’s last works in print. Now his words have become a true gift for me
to share with others.
Diana Saltoon-Briggs has traveled extensively, studied yoga, and in the
1970s developed a program that dealt with modern stress. Her interest in Zen
led to a study of Chado, The Way of Tea, as a Zen art and received a
certificate of Chamei from the Urasenke School in Kyoto, Japan. Diana became a
teacher at the Portland Wakai Tea Association in Oregon before moving with her
husband, Robert Briggs, to New York in 2011. They returned to Portland, Oregon,
in 2014. A member of Zen communities in Oregon and New York, Diana continues to
give presentations, classes and workshops on the Zen Art of Tea. She is the
author of Tea and Ceremony: Experiencing Tranquility (2004), The Common Book of Consciousness (1990), and
Four Hands: Green Gulch Poems (1987)."
I'm deeply grateful to Lauren for this interview. Here is the link to the interview on her blog:
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